I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
