I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
