this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize