You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We left an ass print on the piano.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
MIDGETS
????
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
