i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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