So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Houston, we have a squirter
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
