It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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