Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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