I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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