I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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