please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
