I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
