yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
