The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
