I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
