If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
