so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
