Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
