i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
These tits shall not be calmed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
