I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
