I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
