there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize