Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I enjoy the company of your penis
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize