Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
