its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
