you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
