I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
