my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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