At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
