Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize