no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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