he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
