I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize