I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
