you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
