DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He? As in you personified your dick?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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