so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
