My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
