I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
