I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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