he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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