Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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