i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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