I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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