im six kinds of drunk right now
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
