Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
