I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize