he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
