also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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