Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
