my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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