I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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