You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize