I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
