who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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