he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
