i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
