I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
