When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
