Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
