no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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