p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
