The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
