Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's rum buckets o'clock
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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