I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
