so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
