worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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