Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
