Already got asked if we're dating
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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