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Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
