he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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