Non-Jews are for practice
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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