Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
