I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
