Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
