Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
