You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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